


Guard Dogs

by WaitAThousandYears



Category: South Park
Genre: Christophe's stupid accent, Evil Christope, Get that thing out of here or I'll kill it, I just don't like them, M/M, Sleeping in the shed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 09:29:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/620625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaitAThousandYears/pseuds/WaitAThousandYears
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyle always wanted a dog. Christophe's not so keen. 'Tophlovski.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guard Dogs

Kyle Broflovski had always wanted a pet dog. Unfortunately for him, his mother was allergic.  
As was his father. And Ike.  
Kyle never dared question his mother as to way the supposedly hereditary allergy skipped him, but his adopted brother got it.  
So despite always wanting a dog, Kyle had never gotten one.  
Nor any other type of pet for that matter.  
Sheila Broflovski had a lot of allergies.  
Kyle had decided at a young age that as soon as he moved out he would get a dog.  
When he turned 18 and went house hunting, he even asked the landlord if he allowed pets before signing for the house.  
He had it all planned out.  
Except, things never work out according to plan when you're Kyle.  
His boyfriend, who he was now living with, was terrified of dogs.  
Not that he'd ever admit it.  
According to him, he just hated them.  
But Kyle saw how Christophe walked that bit faster when he passed a dog, and the alarm in his eyes when he heard a dog barking.  
So now, Kyle found himself in a rather large predicament.  
Wendy Testaburger had just pranced into his house and offered him one of her dog's puppies.  
"Goddamn you, temptress!" he said as he sat at the kitchen table.  
Wendy laughed.  
"Christophe'll get over it. She needs a home!" She said, dropping the puppy onto Kyle's lap. It immediately snuggle up to him.  
"Must resist…" Kyle muttered.  
The puppy stared up at him with huge brown eyes.  
And the battle was lost.  
"Ooh, you're so CUTE!" Kyle exclaimed, hugging the dog to his chest.  
"I take it that's a yes then." Wendy smirked.  
Kyle blushed and nodded, still hugging the dog.  
"I expected as much. I brought a bag of stuff she's going to need, it's in the hall. She's had all of her vaccinations and her papers are in the bag. If there's anything else, I'll let you know." Wendy smiled and headed for the door.  
"Hey, wait! What's your hurry? Do you want to stay for a coffee?"  
Kyle asked, somewhat baffled by her sudden rush.  
"When's Christophe due home?"  
"Umm. He went to lunch with Gregory so he should be home soon."  
"That's my rush. I don't want to get caught in the middle. Bye Kyle!" she said, hugging him and bolting.  
"Bitch." Kyle muttered.  
He turned back to the puppy who was cautiously batting the sweeping bush. He smiled as he picked up the phone from its cradle and dialled his best friend's number.  
As usual, Stan answered almost immediately.  
"Sup dude."  
"Dude, I have a problem."  
"What's up?"  
"Wendy pressured me into taking one of he dogs."  
"How is that a problem?"  
"Well.. Christophe's kind of… A little bit…"  
"Spit it out dude."  
"Afraid of dogs."  
"… AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
"Shut up Stan."  
"Hahhh. That is fucking brilliant dude."  
"Yeah, yeah. ANYWAY. Back to my problem. The fuck do I do?"  
"I dunno. Tell him it's an oversized cat or something."  
"…Tell him it's a cat?"  
"It MIGHT work. Maybe…"  
"Fuck you, Stan."  
Kyle hung up, sighing exasperatedly at his friend's unhelpfulness.  
"At least I have a while to come up with a reasonable argument."  
The front door slammed.  
"Kyel, I'm 'ome."  
"Shit."  
Christophe walked into the kitchen and greeted Kyle with a kiss before sitting on the counter.  
"We have chairs for a reason you know."  
Christophe shrugged but made no effort to move.  
"How was lunch?"  
"Eet was fine. Just Gregoree beeing… Gregoree. 'Ow was-"  
Bark!  
"…Kyel. What ze fuck was zat?"  
"What was what?" Christophe raised his eyebrows, clearly not believing Kyle faux innocence.  
"That was-"  
BARK!  
"Whatever 'eet' ees, I zink eet is stuck under ze couch."  
Christophe said angrily.  
Kyle swore and quickly rescued the puppy from under the leather couch.  
"I sincerely 'ope you are mindeeing zat for zomebody."  
"Ummm."  
"Kyel."  
"I love you?"  
"Not goeeng zo work."  
"Goddamnnit."  
"I'm moveeng into ze shed eed you don't get reed of eet."  
"Christophe!"  
"I fucking 'ATE dogs!"  
"It's a fucking CHIAUA!"  
"Eet's still a dog!"  
"It's TINY!"  
"… Ze shed eet ees."  
Christophe jumped of the counter and walked towards the back door but Kyle grabbed his hand, preventing him from going any further.  
"Compromise. She'll stay in the utility room. It's not like you'll have to go down there, you've never done the laundry in your life."  
Christophe smirked.  
"And I'll only let her out when you're not here. Deal?" Kyle gave Christophe the puppy dog eyes. Ironically, Christophe could never say no to them.  
Sure enough, he faltered.  
"Fine." he muttered unhappily.  
"THANK YOU!" Kyle jumped out of his chair and seized Christophe into a hug.  
"Just promise me you won't start carryeeng zat zing around een an 'andbag."  
"Hey! That 'thing's' name is Tinkerbell!" Kyle said, pulling away from the hug.  
"…"  
"Don't worry, I'm just kidding." Kyle giggled.  
"I'm dating Paris fucking 'ilton." Christophe said, eyeing the puppy with distaste.  
"Take that back! I am so prettier than Paris Hilton!" Kyle said, feigning offense.  
"Eef you zay zo." Christophe muttered.  
Kyle glared.  
"I want a Doberman."  
"Fuck off."  
"Then admit I'm prettier than Paris Hilton!" Kyle pouted.  
"Obviously. She's got fuck all breasts."  
"Neither do I!"  
"Oui, but you're not zuppozed to."  
Kyle laughed.  
"Now put zat fucking dog away before I use eet for target practise."  
Kyle quickly brought the dog into the utility room - he wasn't 100% sure that Christophe was joking.  
Better safe than explaining to Wendy about the puppy's untimely end.  
He returned to find Christophe sitting on the couch watching Family Guy.  
He sat down next to him and rested his head on Christophe's shoulder as Christophe slipped his arm around Kyle's waist.  
"Ze minute I leave on a job zat zing ees goeeng zo be zleeping een our bed, is'eent eet?"  
"Well, I need something to keep me company."  
Kyle smiled as he kissed his brooding boyfriend.  
"Go on, smile. You know you want to." Kyle teased and the corner of Christophe's mouth twitched slightly.  
"No." he said.  
Kyle pouted.  
Christophe laughed, pulling Kyle in for another kiss.  
A week later and Christophe seemed to have grudgingly accepted the puppy's, now called Mollie, presence in the house.  
This of course, put Kyle in an excellent mood. That is, until Christophe came home one evening with a large box shaped item covered in black cloth.  
"What's that?" Kyle asked, looking up from Facebook.  
Christophe grinned evilly and removed the cloth.  
Kyle screamed. Loudly.  
"Get that the fuck OUT OF HERE!" He shook his head smugly.  
"You get ze mutt, I get ze tarantula. Fair ees fair.  
Is'eent karma a beetch?" Christophe grinned.  
Kyle stared at the spider in pure horror.  
"I'm moving into the shed."  
"Zere are 'undreds of spiders in ze shed."  
"… I hate you."  
"Fair eenough."


End file.
